Rockabye Baby - Bringing Kids to Adult Events

A few months following the birth of my daughter in 2008, I had my first opportunity to attend (rather than work) an outdoor music festival (Pitchfork in Chicago, for those of you wondering). Observing the crowd for the first time through fresh, fatherly eyes, I was struck by several people who were attending the event with children in tow. We’re not talking teenagers, or even pre-teens...these were parents of infants and toddlers, schlepping bottles and diaper bags between stages as one would nachos or the drunken carcass of their best friend. Although I had seen this practice hundreds of times before, this was my first time witnessing it as a parent. Even though most had the good sense to provide their children with at least a modicum of personal protection (earplugs and sunscreen), I was initially disgusted and disheartened by this display of “irresponsibility”. I vowed right then and there that I would never, ever torture my daughter that way. And I’m not referring to subjecting her to Vampire Weekend.

Since this initial exposure, I’ve since warmed to the idea of bringing younger children to SOME adult-oriented events. Not only can it prove necessary for the maintenance of the parent’s sanity, it is a good way to expose your kids to arts and culture that doesn’t involve grown men in creepy matching outfits (no, not DEVO) and insipid purple dinosaurs. However, the event professional in me recommends a fair amount of pre-planning if you want your outing to be enjoyable for the entire family, and to avoid an unwanted visit from child services.

1) Choose your events wisely- as a hater of most children’s music, I welcome any opportunity to expose kids to a wide range of (non-pandering) art. However, a certain amount of discretion must be taken when selecting which events to attend. I don’t mean this in a musical taste/vulgarity sense (don’t get me started on that one), but on the actual physical characteristics of the event. Does it take place in an environment where you’ll be able to step away and wind down if need be, or is it in an unforgiving asphalt parking lot? Is the crowd demographic traditionally respectful of personal space, or should you expect junior to be rubbing against sweaty, swaying bodies all day?

2) Do your research - Be sure you know where the restrooms are located, what food options there are, and what is allowed in to the facility. Pay special attention as to whether re-entry is permitted, and for how long (you never know when you’ll need to take a car break).

3) Come prepared - To steal a phrase from Henry Rollins, you are now officially a baby roadie - your job is to schlep around all the necessities for your newly-minted rock star. And just as in your day to day life, you’ll need to bring with you everything you’ll need to make it through the day. Most venues do not sell diapers, formula, or anything close to healthy food (or, really, "food"). As mentioned above, make sure you do your research to be sure you can bring in everything you need.

4) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS bring hearing protection - If you plan on attending concerts regularly, invest in an excellent pair of child-sized noise cancelling headphones. Foam earplugs work in a pinch, but aren’t meant for small ears, which makes them uncomfortable and more likely to be lost or removed. As an event promoter, I have absolutely no qualms about throwing you out on your Docker-laden ass if you aren’t protecting your children’s hearing. See that fine print on the back of the ticket? That gives me the right. Don’t make me do it.

4) Watch the weather - the morning of the event, take a look at the weather report. Is it going to be over 90 degrees, sunny, and humid? Then call up your friends and get rid of your tickets, because there’s no way in hell you should be bringing a child out in weather like that for any extended length of time. Heat illness can strike children much quicker than adults. Don’t risk it.

5) Watch your intake - having a beer while watching a concert with your child is not a criminal offense (although I still recommend against it simply due to optics). However, getting sloshed and relying on junior to get you back to the car is an entirely different matter.

6) You’re on their schedule - Kids don’t care about set times, or your favorite song. When they’re tired, or hungry, or just ready to go, your fun is over. Know this, and accept it. Consider making it halfway through the opening act a success, and don’t be too disappointed if you don’t even make it that long.

Above all, don’t hold it against your kids if that despite all your planning efforts, things just don’t work out. They’re only acting their age...you’re the one still thinking you’re a free-wheeling 24 year old with a social life. Besides, I’ve learned that staying home with the kids on a Saturday can be just as exciting as seeing Ozzy for the 10th time.

And probably with just as much vomit...